Love Trips, Parodies & Comedy, Relationship Advice (via LoveSujeiry.com)

Watch Sujeiry Gonzalez (Love Trips Author) on The Wendy Williams Show!

2012-02-13T16:37:00.000-05:00

Be sure to buy a copy of Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles.

I’ve been keeping a secret for a month now. The secret that opened up the door to my being on The Wendy Williams Show. In mid January, I received a call from HARPO. That’s right – the Oprah Winfrey production company. I had applied for a reality show pilot with Iyalna Vanzant on OWN in early January after I saw a casting call tweet. I jumped online and created a quick, funny and truthful anecdote about my life as a single woman.

I am a serial dater. A woman who hardly ever has a second date because I’m picky and have a serious nose fetish (love a long bridge!). If it does move on, I’m in a relationship by the third date. The relationship begins quickly and ends just as rapidly. Or I’m stuck with a stalker.

That very day Cynthia Martinez of Fat Girl Escapades also forwarded a tweet from Wendy Williams. The Wendy Williams Show was looking to hook up singles for Valentine’s Day. I saw this as a second opportunity to meet another daytime idol and be on national television to promote my relationship brand and Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles.

Flashforward to mid January. I’m on my computer writing my first piece for the Examiner as the New York Modern Love Examiner. My phone rings and I look over the screen. Unknown. I picked up though I rarely do. Something told me it wasn’t my stalker.

“Hello?” I answered, hesitantly.

“Hello, may I please speak with Sujeiry?” The voice responded. She said my name wrong. Surgery. Definitely not my stalker who probably mutters my name in his sleep.

“This is she,” I said, holding my breath.

“Hello! It’s Samantha calling from HARPO!”

My eyes shot out of their sockets. HARPO was calling MEEE?! I thought. I recalled the casting call. Samantha began asking me questions about my dating experiences. She laughed. I rattled on. She pried deeper. I opened up, aware of how television works. They want someone who is vibrant, funny, a little messed up and definitely entertaining.

They wanted me.

For the next week, I spoke to three different producers from HARPO. I created three videos and made plans to film. Suddenly, the show changed directions. They are now looking to work with families.
I wasn’t disappointed. I wanted it, yes, but I knew that the call, the fact that HARPO wanted me, meant something else was brewing. 24 hours later I received a call from The Wendy Williams Show. They wanted me to come into a casting audition. A week later I was in her waiting area. 25 other women surrounded me before we were moved to a conference room. One by one, we answered their questions. Some of us were asked to do a video and others were sent home. It was my turn. I was myself. I dazzled and made the producers and other girls laugh. And I was asked to do a video. A week later, I received the call I knew was coming. They wanted me to be a participant on the Wendy Williams Show dating game airing the week of February 13, 2012.

I jumped for joy, wishing I could do cartwheels like Madonna at the Super Bowl.

So, you see, HARPO may not have worked out but she opened the door to opportunity. I will meet Wendy Williams and will be giving her a copy of my book, Love Trips. I will receive exposure. And maybe I will even win a date with an eligible bachelor. I knew this would happen. I know I have a spark and I am meant for television and radio. Doors are opening and I can’t wait to jump through.

Maybe I’ll even do a cartwheel.

Watch Sujeiry on February 17, 2012 on The Wendy Williams Show! Any tweets during the live show will be appreciated. Use the hashtag #WendyLovesSujeiry. Be sure to buy a copy of Love Trips: A Collection of Relationship Stumbles.

Love Trips: Booger Loving

2010-06-08T18:57:00.013-04:00

When I was younger, I used to take my index finger, stick it in my nostril, give it a little wiggle, and go digging for gold. Once I got a good chunk of hard boogie, I would (brace yourselves) stick it in my mouth, chew and swallow.

All together now…eeeew!

I don’t remember where or why I picked up the yucky habit of picking the green and eating it like it was a Caesar Salad, but I do know I wasn’t willing to give it up. Maybe I felt the need to conquer those hard boogies. They were so uncomfortable and difficult to blow out into a tissue, so perhaps I thought: why not give it a go the caveman way? Soon, I became an addict. I transformed into those scrawny, skinny dudes who will suck your dick for some cash for crack. Not even all-powerful mami could coerce me to quit. She tried, dabbing my fingernails in garlic and threatening me with chankletasos, but I was obsessed! Read more.

Love Trips: Just Can't Cut It

2010-03-04T09:35:00.003-05:00

A man can cut a woman off just like that if he is no longer interested. He won’t respond to her texts and voicemails, or respond weeks later as if the only source of communication is Morse code. And forget about going on dates! If a man just isn’t that into you, he will forget he even committed to taking you out for drinks that Saturday night. As you sit by your window watching cars fly by and waiting for that damn phone to ring, he’s ogling girls at a teta bar, or worse; watching TV with his hands in his pants without a care in the world. Read the rest of Love Trips: Just Can't Cut It!

Love Trips: Dodge Kiss

2010-02-17T10:48:00.000-05:00

I have never been good at sports. I was the 90-pound girl who was picked last. The girl whose long, bony arms would bruise for days after an instructional volleyball scrimmage. And did I mention I cried for half a period when it was my turn to swing off the second story balcony of The Cage and into the bright yellow cargo net in front of me?

Yeah, sports are definitely not my forte. But even still, I found a way to semi-master the violent art of dodge ball. Ok, I was picked third to last; but still, it was an improvement! I excelled averagely at this active sport because a) little people are feisty, b) little people are fast and c) it was the only way I could hit the girls that annoyed me without getting jumped after school. All was fair in volleyball, much like love and war, and till this day I take my quick, dodging tactics everywhere I go, including first dates. Read more of Love Trips: Dodge Kiss!

Love Trips: My Baby Suitor

2010-02-06T18:24:00.001-05:00

If I were an inanimate object, I'd be a coloring book. I'd rest my back on hardwood floors; pages open, waiting to be filled. Suddenly, two sets of elbows pin me down. I meet eye to eye with a sharp, colored pencil and scream, "On guard!" Then there's childlike laughter. I relax a little, knowing they will play with me and love me, even if just for a moment. I will be filled with bright blues, greens and reds, even if it’s outside the line. Because you can't expect much from children. Read more of Love Trips: My Baby Suitor.

Love Trips: No More Tears

2010-01-20T10:52:00.001-05:00

I don't remember crying as a teenager. I don't remember a time when teardrops streamed down my cheeks. I didn't cry at graduation or even when I left home for college. The sadness was indeed felt, as was the moisture in my eyes, but I produced nada.

Then I met Kurt. I fell in lust with Kurt and was convinced he was it. This bad boy on campus didn't want anything serious with me. I was a virgin - an innocent little, skinny girl lacking in the ass and boobs department. At least, that’s what he’ d say. But I was still convinced he was it. So I wrote him a letter. Pen to paper, I scribbled down my feelings frantically and repeatedly. The words in cursive revealed I wanted him to be my first, and with that realization I sobbed. Read more of Love Trips: No More Tears.

Love Trips: Bad Girl?

2010-01-06T12:32:00.000-05:00

I've never been the bad girl, the sucia, the sneaky sneak, the master manipulator, la otra. That chica who scoots down in the leathery seat of a cab as she does a quick peep-my-man drive-by. He flinches when a girl struts past and there she goes! Cab door swings open and she is flying. Up, up and away into the air like a possessed, badass villain or - depending on whom you're speaking to - a glorious, female superhero. And how about the female who answers her phone while her hips are in motion? She swerves on top of a naked man who isn’t her man and, just like that, whispers, “I love you” to her real man through the phone.

No. Definitely not me. Read more of Love Trips: Bad Girl?

Love Trips: What If

2009-12-28T12:33:00.000-05:00

I remember watching the movie Sliding Doors and being fascinated by the concept of "what if." As the metal train doors shut on Gwyneth Paltrows' face, I wondered if something as seemingly insignificant as snoozing for an extra five minutes or strolling down the block instead of catching the M3 bus could change the course of my life, indefinitely and immeasurably. What if I had never slept over Kurt’s dorm room that one night in college? I pondered as Gwyneth’s life unfolded on split screen. Kelvin, my fine, college friend who was head over heals for me, would have never witnessed me walking down the stairs side by side with Kurt early in the morning. He would have never glanced over at me in that moment, eyes filled with shock and sadness. I would have never lost his trust and he would have never rejected me two years later. We could have been something. Or could we?

Read more of Love Trips: What If.

Love Trips: Hazardous To Your Health

2009-11-11T22:40:00.000-05:00

The US government needs to slap a warning label on kisses that touch our big, warm hearts just as much as they touch our big (for some), warm pepas. Just like smoking cigarettes is hazardous to our lungs, these smooches can lead to dizziness, rapid heart palpitations and the ultimate collapse of our reason and logic. You open your moist, desiring mouth and BANG! there go your clothes. You gently suck on his lower lip and BANG! there goes his pene in your pepa. Then you BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! and nine months later, out comes a baby! Go to Love Trips: Hazardous To Your Health to read the rest!

Love Trips: Keep It Moving

2009-10-20T22:36:00.000-04:00

I’ve been dating for 15 some odd years, which means I’ve chased after men, fallen into a drinking and dialing and sobbing stupor, and did I mention I angrily wobbled after a man while shouting, “WE ARE NOT DONE!”? Yes, 15 years of dating have left me with many, many stories and even more war wounds to lick and heal. But no matter what has occurred, each experience has taught me a valuable lesson on how to deal with the pitfalls of, well, dating. Like when you give a man the privilege to store your number, you should wait for him to call, not circle his block in a Dominican gypsy cab en la madrugada or become a bartender or busgirl at the bar he frequents. If he never calls, take a deep breath and shrug. There is no need to sob in despair in the shower. No need to stare at the heavens, shake your fists and scream "WHYYYYYY?!". Just learn the lesson and keep it moving. Go to Love Trips: Keep It Moving to read the rest!

Love Trips: One Kiss

2009-10-06T22:33:00.000-04:00

A man leans in; his breath on my lips as they naturally part. He slides his warm tongue into my now watery mouth and my tongue joins him in a seductive tango. And then one of three scenarios occur: 1) Noses bump and dribble falls due to him inhaling my mouth. 2) He sucks the life out of my tongue as if it were a Good Daddy lollipop. 3) Our movements align as we melt into each other’s mouths like soil soaks up water.

The latter kiss is the one that tells me the man I’ve just kissed may be it. The former kisses, on the other hand, serve as a reality check, so I untangle myself from the embrace, subtly wiping my mouth. All I need is that one kiss to know whether I will see that man again, kiss that man again. Because one kiss says it all. Go to Love Trips: One Kiss to read the rest!

Love Trips: Thank You, Oprah

2009-10-06T22:30:00.000-04:00

What Oprah says goes, which is why middle-class women all over America buy out her book club selections and make her favorite things their favorite things, even if its only a ballpoint pen. I’m no exception. After watching Oprah praise a secret that brings forth love and happiness, I made my way to Borders and walked toward a towering, golden shrine. Two dozen women already surrounded the massive display. It seemed Oprah had done it again.

Go to Love Trips: Thank You, Oprah to read the rest!

Love Trips: Declaration of Like

2009-08-24T15:01:00.003-04:00

I've imagined various scenarios in which a man would declare his like or love for me. Scenario #1 takes place in an elevator. Doors slam and button pushed. Up, up, up me and my hot boo go then "crash!” The steel cries. The metal box bobs and weaves. Our lives hang by a thread, literally. A sweat bead travels from my temple to cheekbone to neck, and my even hotter now boo wipes my perspiration away with a lick of his tongue. His intense, small eyes meet mine; his plump, kissable lips part and he screams: "We're going to die! Oh God, mami!" My hot boo jumps into my arms. He breathes into my neck and I sing him a lullaby. In the middle of, "Cuca, cucita, asi se llama, la muchachita" my hot boo lifts his head, finds my gaze and utters: "I like you so much!" Then the elevator jolts back to life. Cool artificial air is released from metal vents, and once again, up, up, up me and my hot boo go. Go to Love Trips: Declaration of Like to read the rest!

Love Trips: The End!

2009-08-04T14:33:00.002-04:00

Every love story has an ending. Some end amicably, like my ending with Alex, my Patron (sin limon) tossing, “woosah”-minded Mexican. Our "relationship" ceased to exit after I picked up my cell and gave him my bendicion to go fuck with the Myspace, teta-flashing hoochies he friended and ogled. He could also add the medical assistants he flirted with while at work to that list. And I'm not sure if it was the intoxicating smell of tacos reminding him of the motherland or that he hadn't grabbed a big chunk of ass since we began dating (my nargas are lumpy not chunky), but Alex often drooled when we passed the voluptuous girl poster that was plastered over the front door of Olmeca Restaurant. Go to Love Trips: The End! to read the rest!

Love Trips: Snoozapalooza

2009-07-21T14:14:00.002-04:00

"Verizon is the best cell phone carrier. It’s better than T-Mobile, AT&T, Sprint, Nextel..."

I grab my cell and switch from right ear to left. I pick up my remote from my green and white striped canopy and press power. Green grass fills the screen. Little men stand still, measuring the distance from the desired holes to their balls.

"I had Sprint for a while but now I have Verizon..." He continues.

A short, tan Asian man appears. The camera zooms and the announcer's voice heightens like a little boy who has just seen his first pepa. He introduces the reason for this sudden vocal infliction...Tiger Woods. I inch forward, closer to the screen. I'm focused. Titillated. Intrigued by...golf.

"Sujeiry."

There goes Tiger. Swing! Man, that ball is flying down that grassy knoll.

"Sujeiry."

I wonder what else Tiger can swing that hard.

"Sujeiry, are you there?" The crowd claps and I snap back to my reality.

"Yeah, of course."

"So, are you?"

"Ah, well, I don't know yet." And I don't know. I have no idea what Elijah is talking about. I search my memory, seeking any nouns mentioned other than "Verizon”, "Blackberry Storm", "GPS system". Searching for anything Elijah has said of interest in this thirty-minute-too-long conversation. My ex-boyfriend from three years ago who I loved, who is back in my life is...snoozapalooza. Did he get this boring with time or am I just more fun?

Go to Love Trips: Snoozapalooza to read the rest!

Love Trips: Super Star Beggars

2009-07-07T14:12:00.001-04:00

One day I'm going to follow the Train Super Star Beggars. You know the ones I'm talking about. Those train performers that work straphangers with their pleas and dazzle us with their commitment to get our dollars. They manage to be on every train, all day and all night. Its like they're superheroes!

In order of least popular to most popular, the Train Super Star Beggars include: the little boys with tattered t-shirts but fresh kicks that robotically state: "Ladies and gentleman, my name is Tyquan/Tyron/Tyrese and I am selling candy to raise money for my basketball team."; the skinny, toothless morenito, viejito who sings "Lean back, lean back, lean back!" all while leaning back as if working a limbo stick: and my all time favorite, the three brothers (or that's what I tell myself) that hop onto the train and hippity hop their way into my heart. House song on. Older brother kicks, drops to the floor and freezes into a b-boy pose. Middle brother smacks older bros hand, jumps in and all of a sudden we see the main star.

(Rolling down the train like a human wheel.) "Go Tito! Go Tito! Go Tito!"

Then, cute little Tito pulls out his baseball cap and asks for money.

Go to Love Trips: Super Star Beggars to read the rest!

Love Trips: The Dominican Carrie Bradshaw

2009-06-23T02:20:00.004-04:00

I sat in a circle, clutching a piece of paper tinted with my love inspired words. "He took my hand and put it on his penis," I read, eyes still on the page. Laughter erupted. I smiled. They laughed just where I wanted. I continued and, once finished, sat in silence while each member of the Latina Writers Workshop critiqued my new piece.

"Hilarious!" One commented.

"You have a knack for comedy!" Another complimented.

"I want to know what happens next!" The following exclaimed.

And then one said it. The five words I've heard since Love Trips blessed the pages of migente.com and finally sitv.com before landing on lovemionline.com, or what I like to call home.

"You're the Dominican Carrie Bradshaw!"

My face scrunched up as if she'd placed that same penis I wrote about right under my nose. I didn't want that stinking penis and I sure as hell didn't want to be compared to no Carrie Bradshaw! Sure, I loved Sex and the City like every other woman in America. Sure, I related to Carrie more than any other character. I mean, I had two Mr. Big's! Go to Love Trips: The Dominican Carrie Bradshaw to read the rest!

Love Trips: Text Sex

2009-06-09T13:08:00.003-04:00

When I think of text sex, I picture a beefed up man typing on a cell with one hand and stroking his pene with the other. This image isn’t very arousing, especially when my imagination takes it a step further and, all of a sudden, I visualize his cell dropping and his face contorting into an ugly growl. He howls, twitches, finally orgasms, and all I want to do is scream “Eeew!” del asco! It’s like a scene out of a horror movie! But instead of chasing me down with a machete he uses his erect penis as a weapon and pokes me to death...in the eye.

Go to Love Trips: Text Sex to read the rest!

Love Trips: Being Sujeiry and Elijah

2009-05-26T13:10:00.002-04:00

During Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown's time as a couple, they created magic. They made an upbeat, amateurish infant whose "Oooh's" and "Aah's" inspired them to dance The Shoulder Shimmy and The Pelvic Thrust. They spawned an entertaining baby that babbled on and on about kissing ass and Bobby! They brought forth creatures that are so entertaining and equally stupefying that they will live on despite Whitney and Bobby’s divorce.

No, I'm not talking about their daughter, Bobbi Kristina. I'm talking about the pop sensation, "Something in Common." If you haven't heard this masterpiece then run to your nearest computer, click on iTunes and press "download". I'm also talking about the comedic reality show that should have won an Emmy - Being Bobby Brown. A show worth watching as Bobby and Whitney proved the depth of their love when Bobby pulled a doodoo out of Whitney’s constipated culo.

Go to Love Trips: Being Sujeiry and Elijah to read the rest!

Love Trips: Plugged

2009-05-19T13:11:00.002-04:00

My past loves have been like human blenders. Their structures provide a function of torture and leave every piece of me soft and mushy. Not soft and mushy like a yummy chocolate frosty, but gooey and stinky like when your momma makes her special, green, sicote smelling "cure your illnesses" concoction. Yes. That's how they leave me. Gooey eyed from crying myself to sleep, and stinky cause when I'm emotionally devastated the shower is used for sobbing, not bathing.

Go to Love Trips: Plugged to read the rest!

Love Trips: No Spring Chicken

2009-05-12T13:12:00.002-04:00

Appearing five to eight years younger than I am has had its advantages. At eighteen, I'd hop on the public buses of my then hometown of Lawrence, MA and pay fifty cents. That was the price for a seven to twelve year old but I wasn’t ashamed. Instead I forgoed the lipstick, put my hair in ponytails and even considered thrashing my body against the floor to keep my cheap ass ride.

When I turned twenty-one, I wanted to hop on men instead of buses. Wearing short shorts and mid drifts, I strutted around Lawrence during Semana Hispana (Lawrence’s poor mans version of the NYC Dominican & PR Parade) hoping to meet a Latino man. Instead I got a movie invitation by a fourteen year old and a “Diablo mami, tu si a buena!” by a twelve year old Dominican boy in Macho Man Training. I turned around and yelled, "I can be your momma!" before walking away.

Go to Love Trips: No Spring Chicken to read the rest!

Love Trips: I Didn't Kill Susie

2009-04-14T13:25:00.002-04:00

Alcohol has made me do many things: some insane, some hilarious, and some plain evil. It was insane, and so unlike my somewhat prudish character, when my Puerto Rican BFF, Bacardi, unleashed my inhibitions and self-imposed rules and I slept with Johnny on our third date. In a jibaro accent, Mr. Superior yelled: Nena! Deja de ser tan cabrona y agarra ese hombre! So I did, and though I cried like a blubbering fool afterward, I felt free during those 30 minutes.

There have also been plenty of hilarious moments due to an overabundance of alcohol consumption. Like when my hard-core drinking Indian friend Janet and I stumbled down the stairs of a club in Cancun or when my Dominicanita Ceylin was so trashed she fell asleep smiling. But then there are those evil moments. Like when I gulped down half a bottle of Southern Comfort with Janet and then called Alicia, my college nemesis who was sexing Kurt, my college love interest. It wasn’t a friendly call. It was more of a “Imma-tell-your-boyfriend-from-home-about-your-sexcapades-so-don’t-fuck-with-me-pendeja” call. I scared the living shit out of Alicia and then hung up the phone triumphant. Muahahahaha!

Go to Love Trips: I Didn't Kill Susie to read the rest

Love Trips: The End of Ghetto

2009-03-31T11:33:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I can be a little bit ghetto. That's right. This Masters degree achieving, ELA teacher certification seeking, Andover prep school graduate can roll her long neck, convert her tiny mouth into a O, and growl, "Conaso, you mother fucking pendejo!" with a thick Quisqueya Heights* accent. I can also slap an ass-grabbing White boy across the cheek, pound my fist against the window of a yellow cab, and suddenly turn around and state eloquently: "How very nice to meet you."

Check out the rest of Love Trips: The End of Ghetto!

Love Trips: I See Potential Penis, People

2009-03-31T11:27:00.004-04:00

I have a sixth sense. Not the creepy kind like that pasty, frail White boy who sees ghouls and goblins, but the kind that actually doesn't scare people. Not the kind that baraja readers claim to have; the third eye that sends voodoo shock waves into the victims of love struck clients. But the kind that actually helps people. What is this sixth sense I speak of? The kind that every woman in America, in every barrio and campo in the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico, and even little villages in Africa wish they had. I can simply look at a man and know if he's going to kick it or simply kick rocks and keep on stepping.

Go to Love Trips: I See Potential Penis, People to read more!

Love Trips: My Drinking Buddy

2008-10-15T23:59:00.001-04:00

In life, it’s great to have buddies. Buddies to count on. Buddies to bounce ideas off. Buddies to bounce on and off and on and off and on and off of…

I realized the greatness of having a handy dandy buddy at only seven years old. I sat inches away from the television, though mami warned the glare would blind me, when a little blonde boy appeared on the screen. He placed a cute, little, gray hat on his buddy – a freckled face doll with a bowl haircut – and sang: “My buddy, my buddy, my buddy, my buddy, wherever I go, he goes!” The little boy swung his buddy around and played with his buddy in his wooden clubhouse and rode with him in his little, red wagon. He was having such fun! Much more fun than I ever had with my bootleg 5-dollar wannabe Barbie bought from the Chinitos on the corner of 181st and St. Nick. I wanted a buddy! I wanted “my buddy and me to climb up a tree!” even though the only thing to climb in the hood was a fire escape. I wanted “my buddy and me” to be “the best friends we could be!” The commercial was over in seconds and I ran to mami to ask for my buddy. But all I got was a trip to the other Chinotos on 180th and Broadway and another bootleg Barbie. Click here to read the rest of Love Trips: My Drinking Buddy!

Love Trips: Ooh, Ah, Ooh, Ah???

2008-08-27T20:14:00.002-04:00

Before having sex with men for the first time, women fantasize about the magical moment for hours and hours on end. I, particularly, lay in bed surrounded by candles and aromatherapy, visualizing the romantic, passion-filled moment: the sweet caresses of my face and the small of my back; the soft tug of my hair and my lower lip; the feeling of a wet tongue heating up my body there and there and there and there and there! Click on the title to read the rest of Love Trips: Ooh, Ah, Ooh, Ah???

Love Trips: Sujeiry’s International House of Hombres

2008-07-17T18:34:00.003-04:00

The International House of Pancakes is well known for their creativity with pancakes, boasting a menu of pancakes smothered with oats and corn meal, filled with bananas or chocolate chip cookies and covered in powdered sugar. They all sound scrumptious, and the chefs are definitely inventive, but none of these meals are really international. There’s no mangu con sebollas y queso frito on the menu to satisfy a Dominican man’s hunger; no paninis for Italians to saver with a “Mangia!”; no miso to satiate the Japanese’s need for soup. All they serve is breakfast inspired from the different regions of the good US of A.

This lack of internationalism is similar to the selections listed on my menu at Sujeiry’s International House of Hombres. Click here to read the rest of Love Trips: Sujeiry's International House of Hombres!

Sujeiry

Love Vice with Jeiry: Back To The Ex

2008-06-27T16:12:00.001-04:00

Dear Jeiry,

For the last few months I've been involved with someone who for a lack of better words was who I believed to be my Prince Charming. Now, I usually don't fall fast, but after being wined and dined on romantic and thoughtful dates, I fell. And with our deep conversations and sweet text messages that were exchanged I really was beginning to feel as if he could possibly be "the one" you read and hear about. However, despite my nose being so wide open, I had a nagging suspicion that something wasn't right.

Click on the title to read the rest of Love Vice with Jeiry: Back To The Ex!

Love Trips: Fucking Babies

2008-06-06T13:59:00.000-04:00

I'm not a big fan of babies. They shriek and poop so much churia that not even the soft, fragrant mix of talcum powder and Johnson and Johnson’s baby cologne masks the foul poopy odor. Plus, their resemblance to prunes and cranky grandparents is creepy and simply unnatural.

ut these are only minor annoyances compared to their blatant selfishness. Babies expect me to function with five hours of sleep or less AND cater to their needs. They demand I spend my hard earned cash on luxuries like diapers and onesies and bottles and cereal. And to make my already wasted mind more mummified, they press me with their whiny coos to switch from a juicy Greys Anatomy episode to Dora. I hate that fucking bitch. And I need 8-9 hours of sleep and to drink a Raspberry Margarita on a tropical beach!

Fucking babies...

Click on the rest of the title to read the rest of Love Trips: Fucking Babies!

Love Trips: Still Clogged

2008-05-13T21:12:00.001-04:00

A new Love Trips is up...and its very interesting! Enjoy!

Love Trips: Still Clogged

Love Trippin' with Sujeiry: Platanos and Politics

2008-03-31T19:44:00.002-04:00

On this episode of "Love Trippin' with Sujeiry", I am competing to be the Voto Latino political correspondent! Things are a little different this time around. Instead of watching my video on my SiTV site you must go to:

Crashparties: Vote for Me for Democratic Correspondent!

Check out my candidacy speech. I rocked the reporter role so well that I am now crowning myself the Dominican Barbara Walters! It is seriously funny! So check it out and VOTE FOR ME, SITV!!!!!!!!!! And it doesnt hurt if EVERYONE ELSE OUT THERE IN WEB SURFING LAND VOTES FOR ME TOO!

See you at the convention!

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Forever, ever?

2008-03-12T23:04:00.003-04:00

How do you feel about "forever"? See what Sujeiry thinks on this edition of "Love Trips"!

Love Trips: Forever, ever?

Enjoy!

Get Ready for A Sexy Party!

2008-02-21T18:06:00.004-05:00

I am excited to introduce my new venture: Luv, Jeiry Style! I am a Passion Parties® Independent Consultant selling a variety of sexy, exhilaration products, including sex toys (rotating vibrators and cock rings oh my!!!), edible lotions, massage oils, dirty (and romantic) sex games, sugary and tasty body scrubs and powders, and sex books that will expand your minds and well, just be sure to stretch!

If you would like to host a party, email me at:

LuvJeiryStyle@gmail.com

The host invites his/her friends, receives a FREE GIFT, AND gets a DISCOUNT on whatever purchases others make toward their own purchase! You cant loose people! So email me at LuvJeiryStyle@gmail.com to book your party ASAP. It's your choice. You can stay home twiddling your thumbs or you can invite a group of friends to chat about sex and play with dildos, vibrators, and look at dirty books! It is truly a unique and educational experience!!! So get to it! Email me today to book your Passion Party!

Sujeiry Gonzalez
Passion Parties® Independent Consultant
LuvJeiryStyle@gmail.com

Love Trippin' With Sujeiry: A Warning To Cupid

2008-02-19T18:01:00.000-05:00

On this week's Love Trippin' with Sujeiry, S-Jeiry returns with a brand new video. And in true S-Jeiry fashion, there's enough bitterness and violence to go around. So check out "Before He Shoots"... a warning to Cupid!

Love Trippin' with Sujeiry: A Warning to Cupid

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Oh No He Didn't!

2008-01-29T14:54:00.000-05:00

A new "Love Trips" is up! And remember, the more clicks I get the more hits I get and the more funds I have! Also, make sure to give me 5 stars so I can be the top rated blog. All you have to do is double click on the 5th star. Enjoy : )

http://trends.sitv.com/blogs/sujeiry/2008/01/29/love-trips-oh-no-he-didnt

Sujeiry

Love Trippin With Sujeiry: Music Makes Me Feel Stuff

2008-01-14T20:52:00.000-05:00

A new Love Trippin' with Sujeiry is up! You must watch it and pass it along. If I get 5000 hits by this Friday, SiTV will give me a guest spot on one of their shows for a day! Im very excited by the merepossibilitybut I need all of yourparticipation: ) I have over 200 of you on my list, so if everyone clicks on the link 10 times I get over 2000 hits. SOOOOOO click on this link as many times as possible! Get to it! Make me a SUPERSTAR! Lol.

http://trends.sitv.com/blogs/sujeiry/2008/01/14/love-trippin-sujeiry-moved-music

Sujeiry

Love Trips: I Have A Feeling

2008-01-04T13:27:00.000-05:00

Just in time for the new year...enjoy!

http://entertainment.sitv.com/blogs/sujeiry/2008/01/04/love-trips-i-have-feeling

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Musical Memories

2007-11-26T23:08:00.001-05:00

Check it out!

http://trends.sitv.com/blogs/sujeiry/2007/11/25/love-trips-music-my-head

Sujeiry

Love Trips: I Rather Talk

2007-11-16T00:19:00.001-05:00

Its late, I know! But its been a busy, crazy, and even busier few
weeks. Enjoy this week's Love Trips!

http://trends.sitv.com/blogs/sujeiry/2007/11/15/love-trips-i-rather-talk

Sujeiry

Love Trippin With Sujeiry: Just Like The Hoff

2007-11-09T13:23:00.001-05:00

On this week's "Love Trippin' with Sujeiry", Sujeiry is just like The Hoff and video tapes her relapses with the occult.

http://trends.sitv.com/blogs/sujeiry/2007/11/09/love-trippin-sujeiry-just-hoff

Sujeiry

Love Trips: My Two Isms

2007-11-05T21:05:00.000-05:00

Hey everyone!

Here's another post! This time Love Trips! Remember, go to:

http://community.sitv.com/user/sujeiry

Then, next to my pic, click on Sujeiry's Entertainment Blog. From
there you click on the blog you need to read.

Enjoy and stay tuned for more good news...

Love Trippin' with Sujeiry: Whatta Man

2007-11-05T21:02:00.000-05:00

Dear Love Trippers,

The URL/technical issues have been fixed which means you can all get
your weekly dose of Love Trips and Love Trippin' once again!
Yeaaaaaah!

Here is how you get to my blogs! Go to my profile page by clicking this link:

http://community.sitv.com/user/sujeiry

Then, next to my pic, click on Sujeiry's Entertainment Blog. From
there you click on the blog you need to read. So get to it! A new
Love Trippin' with Sujeiry is up!

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Mighty Good Man

2007-09-10T16:18:00.000-04:00

Sorry "Love Trips" and "Love Trippin'" have been MIA! The SiTV blog
site is undergoing some construction (changing from one site to
another) so I can only blog sporadically until the new site is
complete and up and running. But I wont delay any longer. Heres the
new Love Trips!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Like a Rockstar

2007-09-03T01:05:00.000-04:00

Can I learn to live and party like a rockstar? Read on this week's Love Trips.

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/2007/09/03/love-trips-like-a-rockstar/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin With Sujeiry: Looks or Talent?

2007-08-31T00:24:00.001-04:00

In this week's (well last weeks!!!) Love Trippin, we test if looks
really matter if you're a taleneted musician! Check out the singers
and make sure to vote for your favorite!!!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Hot Music Man

2007-08-27T17:49:00.000-04:00

Check out my rendevouz with a musician!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin With Sujeiry: Aruba! Fuck It!

2007-08-24T18:26:00.000-04:00

This weeks "Love Trippin' with Sujeiry" is on location in Aruba! Watch as Sujeiry takes risks and just says, "Fuck it!"

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/2007/08/24/love-trippin-with-sujeiry-13/'

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Fuck It!

2007-08-20T18:24:00.000-04:00

On this week's Love Trips, I let it all hang out and just say "fuck it!" What do we have to loose?

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/2007/08/20/love-trips-fuck-it/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin With Sujeiry: Liars

2007-08-17T18:22:00.001-04:00

On this week's Love Tripping with Sujeiry, a few liars reveal their best lies. Be sure to check it out and vote or comment for the best liar below!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/2007/08/17/love-trippin-with-sujeiry-12/

Love Trips: The Truth

2007-08-13T23:53:00.001-04:00

You should all know the drill by now! But for those who need more
direction in life.

Click on the link below. Then click on the link under "My Blog". And
you will be directed to Love Trips!

http://community.sitv.com/user/sujeiry

Sujeiry

Love Trippin with Sujeiry: Dr Real, Psychologist

2007-08-11T03:00:00.000-04:00

Watch as Dr. Real gives some much needed advice to those in need. Get
Real Therapy Inc. at your services! Once again. Click on the link
below. Then click on the
link under "My Blog". And you will be directed to Love Trippin' with
Sujeiry!

http://community.sitv.com/user/sujeiry

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Sujeiry Gonzalez, PHD

2007-08-07T20:55:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone!

Love Trips is back up! Finally! It feels like its been forever! So
enjoy this week's blog. Click on the link below. Then click on the
link under "My Blog". And you will be directed to Love Trips!

http://community.sitv.com/user/sujeiry

Sujeiry

Love Trippin with Sueiry: Reuniting Exes

2007-07-20T14:05:00.000-04:00

On this week's "Love Trippin' with Sujeiry", Sujeiry discovers a Top Secret organization specializing in reunions. Plus, another hot video by S.Jeiry. And watch for bloopers! They're HIGHlarious!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Reunited

2007-07-17T02:31:00.001-04:00

Read what happens when I bump into an ex!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Tripping With Sujeiry: Lessons

2007-07-13T13:49:00.000-04:00

Can Sujeiry help one man learn a very important lesson? Watch all the
mean ways she tries to do just that! And remember, watch for bloopers
(it will be a regular thang)!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Lesson Learned

2007-07-09T23:21:00.000-04:00

It takes me a while to learn my lesson. What can I say, I'm stubborn!
Check it out...

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin With Sujeiry: Penises

2007-07-06T13:59:00.000-04:00

Why do men love their penises? And what happens when Sujeiry finds her
own own penis? Find out on this week's "Love Trippin' With Sujeiry"!
And be sure to watch till the end for BLOOPERS!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

LoveTrips: Penis Love

2007-07-02T20:38:00.000-04:00

Men sure love their penises! Check it out on this week's "Love Trips".

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin' with Sujeiry: Epiphany

2007-06-29T18:21:00.000-04:00

Can Dr. Sujeiry Epiphany help some people find their epiphanies? Find out on this week's "Love Trippin' with Sujeiry"!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Epiphany..."Aaaah!"

2007-06-25T22:30:00.000-04:00

In this week's "Love Trips", I find my "Aaaah!" moment. Epiphanies are wonderful! Enjoy!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin' with Sujeiry: Conchita

2007-06-22T13:10:00.000-04:00

On this week's Love Trippin' with ~~Sujeiry~~ Conchita, Conchita takes over Sujeiry's show as their battle continues. Who do you think won the battle? Make sure to leave a comment!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Conchita VS. Sujeiry

2007-06-18T16:02:00.000-04:00

Conchita's back on this week's "Love Trips"! Aw sooky, sooky...

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin' with Sujeiry: Technology

2007-06-15T13:17:00.000-04:00

Watch me try to live without my cell phone! A difficult task for someone which such love for her handy gadget : )

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Blame It On Technology

2007-06-11T16:31:00.000-04:00

Has technology ruined the art of courting? Find out on this week's "Love Trips"!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin' with Sujeiry

2007-06-08T13:57:00.000-04:00

On this week's "Love Tripping with Sujeiry", women from New York City talk about their experiences with "herbs". And a particular "herb" defends the "herb" species!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: What A "Herb"!

2007-06-04T22:41:00.000-04:00

If you've ever dealt with a "herb", click and read my story on this week's "Love Trips" : )

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trippin' with Sujeiry

2007-06-01T12:47:00.001-04:00

Most people love bartenders! They get us good and drunk and are pretty hot to look at too. So this week on Love Tripping with Sujeiry we decided to pay them a tribute. Check it out and pass, pass, pass it on!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Yummy, Yummy! Bartenders!

2007-05-28T11:26:00.000-04:00

You know bartenders are hot! Check out this week's Love Trips.

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: FED UP!

2007-05-21T11:23:00.000-04:00

How do you deal with being fed up? Check it out on this week's Love Trips!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Deciphering the Code

2007-05-14T15:13:00.001-04:00

This weeks Love Trips is up! Pass it on!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Tripping with Sujeiry

2007-05-11T16:25:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone!

So here is my lil, mini show called Love Tripping with Sujeiry. Hope u enjoy it! And remember comment (u dont have to sign up!) and pass, pass, pass it on!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Love,
Sujeiry

Love Trips: One Mo' Time

2007-05-07T16:11:00.000-04:00

Love Trips has now moved to SiTV.com! So be sure to click on the link below (if you have problems cut and paste the URL), leave comments and pass it on! Here it is!

http://www.sitv.com/blogs/whatshot/author/sujeiry/

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Ready or Not

2007-04-05T09:00:00.000-04:00

My body usually tells me when I'm ready for something. Whether it's a new love, another bite of food, or another gulp of liquor, it never fails to send me hints. Unfortunately, I don't always choose to listen. I ignore my tummy's cry for help, as it expands outside its comfort zone when I'm stuffing my face. I even unbutton my pants to make room for dessert! I disregard the tingling in my legs and arms when downing my third Bacardi and Coke. I can have another! I think. So I do. By my fifth drink, my head is spinning, my legs are stumbling, and my stomach is turning. Yet I still manage to avoid my body's signals and take a shot of Tequila. Pass the lemon and salt, please.

By the end of the night, I'm drunkydy, drunk, drunk. I may dance all night like a go-go dancer, cry over a tray of peanuts, or stumble onto my front door. Regardless, my body always punishes me for not heeding her warnings. The next morning I wake up with a pounding in my head and a sour taste in my mouth. I spend the entire day clinging to my bed and praying to the porcelain God.

Besides my food and liquor consumption, my body also sends me hints when it comes to men. When my ex-boyfriend Elijah mentioned his ex-girlfriend over three times on our second date, my blood boiled. My nerves jumped. My mind screamed: He's not over her! Run! But I pushed the vibes away and asked the bartender for a stronger Bacardi and Coke. Similar symptoms kicked in after I began communicating with Daniel, the doctor I met on match.com. My palms sweated throughout our first AIM conversation. I found myself wiping my hands after every click of the Enter button. And my hands trembled when writing down the information for our first date. On the actual day of our date every inch of my body was consumed with doubt. I walked down 42^nd Street to meet Daniel and my mind whispered: This is your first date since your break-up with Johnny. You're not ready for this. But I persuaded myself otherwise. I continued to walk toward the shiny lights illuminating Times Square and convinced myself I was only experiencing first-date jitters.

A few minutes later, Daniel and I were face-to-face. I smiled and pecked him on the cheek.

"You look exactly like you do in your pictures," he said with a smile.

"I hope that's a good thing," I replied nervously.

"Of course it is."

I smiled and my heart fluttered. First-date jitters, I thought again.

Daniel and I then began walking down Ninth Avenue. We passed a few restaurants and bars before Daniel pointed to a specific lounge.

"Do you want to check it out?" He asked.

"Sure," I replied.

We walked into the lounge and I immediately knew I was in trouble. Brick red colored walls, dim lights, cozy couches, draped curtains: it screamed "romantic date spot".

“Do you want to get a table or do you want to sit by the bar?” Daniel asked.

“Let’s just sit by the bar,” I replied. I needed the bartender handy.

Daniel asked what I wanted to drink and I ordered a Bacardi and Coke. As I sipped my drink, Daniel and I made small talk. This is ok, I thought. No big deal. I had another Bacardi and Coke and Daniel had another drink as well. By my third drink, hip-hop pumped from the speakers and Daniel asked me to dance. My body trembled with nervousness while he led me toward the dance floor. I swayed my hips and kept my distance. Daniel moved in a little and my nerves jumped. The hip-hop tunes suddenly changed to reggaeton beats and Daniel wanted to grind. I turned around, shook my ass a little, and then backed away.

“I’m a little tired. Let’s sit down again,” I suggested.

He nodded, but instead of leading me to the bar he led me to an even dimmer room in the back of the lounge. I suddenly found myself in the “secret spot” of the “romantic date spot”. Daniel put his arm around me and my heartbeat grew louder. He leaned in closer and my heartbeat pounded in my ears. My body screamed: He’s going to kiss you! You’re not ready! But I let him kiss me. I let him kiss me and thought of Johnny the entire time. I let him put me in a cab and thought of Johnny on my ride home. And when I called Daniel to tell him I was home, I thought of Johnny and sobbed all over my pillow. There was no ignoring the signals. I felt my body shake. I tasted the salt on my face. I just wasn’t ready.

Love Trips: Lost and Found

2007-03-08T23:28:00.000-05:00

Loosing my cell phone feels like loosing my best friend. My cell phone knows all of my contacts, even some I’ve forgotten. My shiny, palm-sized friend takes photographs of all my other friends. My hand-held buddy and I even share secret codes that only she and I can decipher.

My cell phone is not only my trusted companion, but she also keeps me organized. She knows where I’ll be at any given moment. She even knows my menstrual cycle and sings an upbeat melody when it’s time to get my flow. So you can imagine my sense of loss, my sense of utter desperation when my cell phone was riding down the streets of New York City in the back seat of a yellow cab. While she was out getting a tour, I was frantic. I tried to visualize the name that was printed on the smudged window, separating the cabby from his passengers, but I got nothing. So I tried the next best thing. I picked up my mother’s gigantic home phone and dialed my phone number. The phone rang and rang and rang. I hung up and called over and over again. I tried a few more times before accepting the fact that she was lost.

In order to cope with the loss of my technologically-savvy comrade, I focused on the positive. Without my cell phone, I didn’t have to call certain people back! I could start a clean slate, choosing which numbers to store and which numbers to be rid of on my new cell phone.

Loosing my cell phone also meant loosing contact with Kurt. I didn’t have any other way to contact him and I was relieved. Our last conversation left me angry and offended. Kurt had called me to wish me Happy Holidays. It was a thoughtful gesture so I decided to open up and share some of my future plans.

“I may be moving to Miami next year,” I shared.

“You know, it’s hard to be single in Miami,” he replied abruptly.

“It’s hard to be single anywhere,” I replied, unsure of his point.

“Yeah, but Miami is full of beautiful women.”

He doesn’t think I’m attractive enough to live in Miami?! I thought angrily. I refused to accept his backhanded comment.

“Well, I’ll have no problem then. I’m a beautiful woman, so I’ll fit right in,” I responded confidently.

Kurt tried to salvage himself by stating there are a lot of models in Miami and that they’re a different kind of beauty. He then changed the subject and asked when I would pay him a visit. I told him I would go in a month or so. He told me to call him after the holidays to confirm plans. I agreed before hanging up the phone, but I had no intention of visiting Kurt. No intention of spending a weekend with a man who questioned my beauty and made me doubt myself. I had had enough. Enough to know four months later that I wanted to omit his number from my new cell phone.

That day, I sat on my bed with my new pal. I stored the A’s and the B’s, the C’s and D’s, the E’s and F’s. The H’s and I’s were complete when my cell phone rang. It was a number I had yet to store and didn’t recognize. I took my chances and picked up.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Who’s this?” I questioned.

“You don’t remember me? We met last night,” he replied.

“No really, who’s this?” I asked again, annoyed this time.

“I can’t believe you don’t remember me. Pete from the bar,” he said jokingly.

His raspy voice triggered my memory.

“Hey Kurt,” I replied astonished. It was unbelievable. He called merely minutes after I had received and activated my new phone.

“You were supposed to call me to plan your visit. But you flaked again,” he replied bluntly.

“I lost my cell and didn’t have your number. Plus I don’t have your email,” I rambled, still in shock.

“Well now you have my number. And take down my e-mail.”

I pulled out a sheet of paper and wrote it down. Now I had no excuse. My new buddy could find herself in the back seat of another yellow cab or riding down the 1 train, and I would have a way to contact Kurt. I could have told him his words offended me. I could have deleted his number and trashed his e-mail after finishing our conversation. But I didn’t want to loose him. It wasn't the time for me to let him go. So I added his email to my Yahoo! address book. I pressed the tiny, right button on my cell phone, typed in “Kurt”, and hit “Store”.

Love Trips: My New, Big Cojones

2007-02-15T16:49:00.000-05:00

Hello all my faithful readers,

"Love Trips" is finally here for the month of February! Last time we left off, I burried the Queen of Dwelling and decided to move on with my life. I joined match.com to explore the romantic possibilities.

Now before I cut and paste the link I want to share some somber news. Migente.com will no longer be publishing "Love Trips" due to changes on the site. But dont fret! I will continue to write "Love Trips" on my blog. It will go back to its roots and be posted biweekly, till I find another venue to publish my column (and pay me as well!!!!!!). I will keep you all posted. Enjoy this months column and look out for the next : )

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=15585

Sujeiry

Love Trips: The Queen Is Dead

2007-01-11T14:48:00.000-05:00

What is your coping mechanism after a break-up? Check it out.

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=12541

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Self-Help

2006-12-13T16:13:00.000-05:00

The last dose of love trips for 2006! Thank you all for reading and being incredibly supportive. Till next year...

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=11266

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Reading Between The Lines

2006-11-22T14:42:00.000-05:00

Do you read between the lines? Find out on this week's "Love Trips".

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=10974

Sujeiry

Love Trips: A Simple "I Love You"

2006-11-09T17:49:00.000-05:00

Saying "I love you"...simple?

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=10786

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Back Tracking

2006-10-25T09:40:00.000-04:00

What happens when the past comes back? Find out on this weeks "Love Trips".

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=10519

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Conchita Parte Dos

2006-10-11T13:19:00.000-04:00

Its Love Trip's 6 month anniversary! Wow, how time flies : ) Enjoy this column. We have a returning guest...

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=9451

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Sensing Change

2006-09-27T13:21:00.000-04:00

Can you sense when a relationship is changing? Read on.

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=6687

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Blessed Intervention

2006-09-13T23:20:00.000-04:00

Have you sought divine intervention?

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=6414

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Seeing Green

2006-08-30T13:26:00.000-04:00

Envy, envy who do you think you are....check out how I deal with envy : )

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=5388

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Fear of Falling

2006-08-16T13:00:00.000-04:00

What fears hold you back? Check out my new column.

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=4380

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Love En Espanol

2006-08-02T18:50:00.000-04:00

As always, enjoy!

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=2528

Sujeiry

Love Trips: Telling Secrets

2006-07-19T15:17:00.000-04:00

Can you keep your lovers secrets?

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=2351

Love Trips: Lights, Camera, "The Talk!"

2006-07-05T15:15:00.000-04:00

How would you handle "the talk"? Check out my story...

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=1304

Love Trips: An Easy Prude

2006-06-21T15:21:00.000-04:00

Column number four is up and running! Enjoy and pass it on : )

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=1155

Love Trips: Win My Heart

2006-06-07T15:20:00.000-04:00

Here is the third column!

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=957

Love Trips: Joining The French

2006-05-24T15:18:00.000-04:00

Heres the link. Enjoy!

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=765

The Debut of My Column "Love Trips"

2006-05-10T15:40:00.000-04:00

My column is up and running! Heres the link:

http://www.migente.com/news/article.html?news_item_id=571

Pass on this email to ALL your friends, acquantainces, co-workers, family members...anyone who's breathing and literate! Lets make this a hit people! And be sure to post comments!

P.S. I am so excited!

Sujeiry

Migente Column Update

2006-04-18T01:01:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to let you all know that my migente relationship column will be up and running by late April! I will send an email with the link when it launches and post the link onto the blog. It will be great!

Till then,

Sujeiry

Surprise, suprise...

2006-03-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

I have some exciting news! “In the Words of a 20 Something” is going into early retirement due to upcoming projects. But don’t fret my pets. My relationship saga continues on migente.com. My first column will be posted Monday, April 17th ( I will send an email then with the link). For now it will be a biweekly column, but I am positive that with all your support and visits (lots of them I tell you!) the new column will become as successful as my blog.

I first began this blog to entertain the masses and to discipline myself as a writer. Then it became a form of therapy (for myself and maybe even some of you). It felt great to expose myself completely - my thoughts, feelings, and personality - and to work through some war wounds. It felt liberating to be so raw and open. I couldn’t have done this without my loyal and supportive readers. I want to thank you all and I hope you all continue reading on migente. There are also a few people I would like to thank individually:

Jason - Who would of thought an argument would have led to all of this? Again, thanks for helping me see the light.

Jessica - You published my first article and now this! You’re making all my professional goals come to fruition. Thank you, thank you, thank you. To future success and finally meeting!

Adayna - Thank you for Jessica’s email and for pushing me to make the connection. I may have to listen to you more : )

Perla - My number one defender! You've battled all the negative comments because you’re loyal and you love me.

Teresa - You’ve always said “follow your passion”. Your wise words are a big part of my success.

Joey - You believed in my creative talent and even compared me to a famous author. It felt wonderful. Thank you for the support.

"George" and "Ivan" - Thanks for the material and for not taking things personally. As for "Elijah", he can talk to the hand cause...well, you know.

I would like to finish by sharing two promises I’ve made for myself regarding romance: 1) I promise to settle with a man who accepts me in every way. Someone who will see my inner, not just my outer, beauty. 2) I promise I will no longer hold on to a finished relationship. If it's over, then it's over.

I have sent the promises into the universe. There’s no going back now! Continue reading and we will see how it all unfolds...

Sujeiry

The Good Lie

2006-03-22T03:03:00.000-05:00

I consider myself to be a pretty good liar, and I owe it all to my sister Adriana, who at fourteen years old showed me what not to say or do during the act of lying. I watched in horror as mami asked Adriana why she had a tube of fuchsia pink lipstick, a black eyeliner pencil, and black mascara. Adriana dodged mami’s stare and lied; explained that the make-up mami found in her book bag was a friend’s and that she hadn’t worn any. Mami paused and Adriana and I watched as her expression changed from angry to hesitant. Adriana’s confidence – a crucial factor when lying – wavered. She suddenly began to cry, providing mami with incriminating evidence – mascara stained cheeks.

I realized that in order to survive mami’s strict rules I would need to master the art of lying. I began to practice immediately, diving into the pool of small lies first. At age twelve I told mami I had finished my homework when in fact I had done the homework in class. At age thirteen I skipped Academic Bowl practice to go to the Art Club instead. I felt like a mastermind and soon began to dive into twelve feet. At sixteen years old I greeted mami while drunk, stating I was simply tired. I waved hello while maintaining my balance and my distance, then shut myself in the bathroom and brushed my teeth three times. At eighteen mami found a carton of cigarettes lying on top of a birthday gift. I told her the cigarettes were a friend’s, assured her I had never smoked, and then added: Why would I leave the carton of cigarettes out if I were hiding them from you? Simply brilliant.

Now that I am older, I am honest. But from time to time my mind wanders to the image of mami clenching Adriana’s make-up and lying seems safer. That's exactly how I felt about the situation with Ivan but even still I decided to come clean. The next day after we kissed I stood in the middle of his living room, rattling on and attempting to express myself, while Ivan starred at me and smiled. He wasn’t sure what to make of my freak out so he walked over to me, grabbed me by the waist, and kissed me. I kissed him back and couldn’t bring myself to tell him the truth.

A few days later, I decided to try again. I picked up my cell phone and returned Ivan’s call. My heart beat quickened with every ring. Ivan answered the telephone, we chatted for a few minutes, and then I began my spiel.

“I’m having a really hard time with everything,” I said.

That’s not a lie.

“I think you’re stressing yourself out without needing to,” he replied.

I paused and thought of the right words to make him understand. I couldn't find any.

“I’m just confused because I think I still have feelings for my ex.”

That’s not necessarily a lie.

“Last time you were here you freaked out a little bit, but then you were fine. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. It’s all in you head,” Ivan said.

I began to pace and weigh my options. The truth was he wasn’t accepting my explanations. The truth was I couldn’t tell him the truth. I summoned my inner liar and jumped into the deep end.

“You know what. You’re right. It is me. I’m really messed up because of Elijah. I just haven’t been able to move on. I can’t see myself with anyone right now. I just want to be alone…” I continued.

“So you’re basically waiting for this guy until he decides to be with you, if he ever decides to be with you again?” he asked.

I could sense his astonishment and annoyance but still continued spewing lies. I heard myself saying yes, that I was willing to wait. I painted myself as a woman in denial and somewhat of a masochist, all for the sake of sparing his feelings and sparing myself feelings of discomfort. I preferred to taint Ivan’s image of me than to taint his image of himself. I convinced myself it was a good lie because I had lied for the good of all.

BESO! Or beso?

2006-03-15T01:04:00.000-05:00

The protagonists of novelas love with great intensity and passion. I watch as they run into each others arms and embrace. The sound of violins and guitars exploding through the television set and increasing in volume as Luis Alberto brushes Maria’s cheek with his fingertips. Maria’s lower lip then trembles with desire. They gaze into one another’s eyes - watery and filled with longing - and whisper te deseo, no puedo mas, BESAME!. They finally kiss, a passionate, lust-filled, amorous BESO!. They caress each others backs, gently tug tresses, and rub on each others booties. The passion between Luis Alberto and Maria is so intense and thrilling that it moves the audience - watching from their love seats and sofas at home - to tune in each and every night.

We all want to feel this dramatic and electrifying spark. We all want to end up with someone we desire so we can feel the heat that allows lovers to romp around the grounds of Central Park during a hot summer night. That fiery chemistry that tempts two lovers to fondle one another while grooving on a dance floor or while sitting in a movie theater. I have felt that passion in all my past relationships. It was instant with Kurt - the first man I fell head over heels for. All Kurt had to do was tickle the small of my back and my skin would fill with goose bumps and my body would tremble. It was even instant with George, my now friendly ghost. Though he wasn’t my type we clicked, and I could never understand how their was such passion between us. How someone who was so different from me could turn me on by simply kissing the back of my knees.

It was no wonder I was looking for the same kind of passion with Ivan. I was hoping to feel a spark that could transcend our relationship from platonic to romantic. That’s why I went to Ivan’s apartment the night after our friend’s birthday party. I wanted to explore the connection I knew we were both feeling. But I was hesitant the entire night. Instead of making myself comfortable on the couch beside him, I sat away from him, on a chair, in front of his computer desk. Instead of going in for a kiss when he walked me back to my apartment building, I gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek. But the next morning I laid across my queen-sized bed and pictured Ivan and I together. I closed my eyes and imagined what it would feel like to have Ivan’s arms around my petite frame. My body tingled a little. It could actually be nice. Then Elijah’s face appeared, interrupting the lovely fairy tale forming in my mind with a new man. My eyes shot open and I shook my head as if I had water in my ears. Maybe that’s what I needed, a quick shake, a smack on the head, a bold and unpredictable move to rid me of the memory of my relationship with Elijah, a relationship that had officially ended a year prior. I jolted out of bed, decided to take control, and made plans to see Ivan again.

Later on that night, I found myself walking back to my apartment building with Ivan. My heels clicked against the pavement as Ivan and I filled the silence with honest conversation.

“I really like spending time with you,” he said.

“Me too,” I replied.

I really meant it. He was the only man who always managed to stimulate me mentally.

“This has kind of caught me off guard,” he said.

I nodded, looked up at him and smiled. We turned the corner and walked down the hill toward Audubon Avenue. The cold wind hit my face and I shivered. Ivan raised his left arm away from his side and I hooked my arm onto his, finding warmth inside his coat pocket. The background music began. The violins harmonized with one another, overlapping as if in a round. The guitars played in a staccato manner, quick and short, filling my heart with anxiety and anticipation.

We were finally in front of my building and I knew I had to do something. I had to find out if Ivan and I could love intensely and passionately, like the Luis Alberto’s and Maria’s of Telemundo and Univision. I moved closer to Ivan, wrapped my arms around him, and softly kissed his lips. One small peck to test my feelings and comfort level. Ivan then grabbed my waist and brought me even closer. His lips parted. He kissed me. It was happening. I soon pulled away and immediately realized there was something missing. The heat, the spark, the fiery chemistry was missing. I gave Ivan a peck on the lips goodbye and turned away quickly to open the door. I knew what had to be done. I knew I wanted the entire package. This Maria would have to wait for her own Luis Alberto, because we both deserved to have the heat, the spark, the fiery chemistry, the connection, that BESO!

The Familiar

2006-03-08T00:32:00.000-05:00

After a long time of singlehood, every unattached man begins to look enticing. I begin to consider my friend Ricky, who usually greets his comrades with the biggest bottle of Bacardi. I have watched him impress women with hilarious dance moves, including the salsa pause, where he holds his leg in mid air, and his signature move - the backwards, vibrating roll - and think, maybe? My friend Henry also comes to mind, because he doesn’t mind when I rattle on for hours. The only peep he makes while I rant is his steady breathing and an occasional “wow” or “I don’t know what to tell you”. And then there is Steve, my female-loving friend who is as sensitive as a woman. I begin to wonder if we can be more than friends who discuss each other’s destructive behavior patterns and in turn gloat when we finally “realize” something.

I found myself mentally preparing my list of potentials once again, after Alejandro failed to return my call. I subtracted my number of attached friends, added the number of available old flames I could reminisce with, and the result was Elijah. But this was before I bumped into Ivan - an acquaintance of many years - at a mutual friend’s birthday celebration.

Ivan and I greeted each other with a kiss on the cheek. He then began to mingle with the others, gazing over at me ever so often. I turned away, unsure if I felt pleased or annoyed with the attention. I then felt his body brush against my back. From the corner of my eye I noticed his mischievous smirk. I was definitely annoyed.

After a few round of drinks, we all decided to call it a night. Ivan and I looked at one another, realizing we would have to take a cab together as we both lived in Washington Heights. I wasn’t sure if I was up for the ride, but when he hailed a cab I scooted myself in. During the cab ride, Ivan and I began to talk. We spoke openly about life and relationships. The conversation eased my discomfort but I felt my level of confusion rising as we exited the cab and continued to speak inside my building.

After an hour of conversation, Ivan suggested going for coffee. I agreed and we began our hunt, walking up and down blocks in search for an open restaurant. The search proved to be futile and I was disappointed. The truth then hit me; I wanted to spend more time with Ivan.

“Do you have coffee in you apartment?” I asked while we walked aimlessly.

“Yeah, I do,” he replied.

“Well, we’re so close. Why don’t we just go there?”

Ivan agreed. We arrived at his high rise building and took the elevator. The elevator doors soon opened to his floor and we headed toward Ivan’s apartment. I waited quietly as he unlocked his door and, as I stepped into his small apartment, wondered what I was doing. Ivan always intrigued me as a person and he was familiar. But was that enough? I turned around, watched as he locked the door behind me, and thought...it just may be.

"Purr" Said The Tigress

2006-03-01T01:52:00.000-05:00

At times I am like a tigress. I target my prey while remaining unnoticeable. I prance around and observe its movements. I assess my prey from a distance, calculating the best time to rush in and pounce. Unfortunately, my inner tigress usually disappears after the attack is complete. Something within me then shifts. I don’t use sharp teeth or pointy claws to devour my prize. I begin to fumble, loose my focus, and become jittery. The tigress inside me transforms into a harmless kitten high on catnip.

My inner tigress has been with me all my life. She was with me in high school when I pushed a torpedo, disguised as a tongue, out of my mouth. She was with me after college when a date demanded I pay for a bartender’s tip. I stood up from the bar stool, grabbed my coat and growled: I am the woman! My date paid for the tip and later treated me to an Italian feast. I gobbled a big heaping plate of pasta with meat sauce, sucked my fingers, and licked my lips in triumph.

The tigress was also with me the day I invited myself out to lunch with Alejandro, the bartender from Shampoo Nightclub. I had no problem sliding between two girls standing at the bar and grabbing his attention. I had no problem seductively roaring “I’ll call you”. But I had a problem two days later when I realized I actually had to make the call.

I picked up the napkin covered in blue ink and read Alejandro’s name and number aloud. My hands began to sweat. I began to pace. I dropped the napkin on top of my desk when entering my bedroom for the third time in seconds. It was official. I had lost my inner tigress. I began a search. I flipped over my bed skirt and fell to my knees. My hands brushed the carpeting underneath the bed to only find Elijah’s old, charcoal gray, slippers. I pulled them out and placed them on my feet. They felt warm as if he had just worn them. I walked over to the closet, swimming in the size ten slippers yet feeling comfortable. I looked atop the closet shelf, stacked with boxes of old letters, old cassettes, and old journals, and found Elijah’s brown leather wallet. He had left it during his last visit. I reached for the wallet and held it in my hands. The leather was cold and dusty as it had been stored away in my closet for months. I paused, clenched Elijah’s wallet in my hand and glanced back at the napkin sitting on my desk. Elijah isn’t coming back. Enough is enough. I walked toward the desk with the same caution of a tigress when stalking its next meal. I picked up the napkin, walked toward my cell phone, and exhaled.

The telephone rang and rang. My pulse quickened with each long ring. The machine soon picked up. My inner tigress had to shine.

“Hey Alejandro, this is Sujeiry. I met you at Shampoo two nights ago. Um, give me a call whenever you get the chance. Oh and um, my number is a New York number because that’s where I’m from. I’m still in South Jersey even though it’s a New York number. I mean I live in South Jersey, for school. I just never changed it. Ok, bye.”

I hung up and cringed. I let the napkin drop to the floor, cozied up on my love seat, and let out a soft purr. I had captured my prey with the smoothness and cleverness of a tigress to only morph into a harmless, restless kitten. All I needed was a ball of yarn and some tasty catnip.

Stripping My Way To Sanity

2006-02-22T00:59:00.000-05:00

Dancing is like therapy. Instead of expressing my feelings while lying on a leather couch or sitting upright on a chair facing someone with a pleasant disposition, I pump my radio, shake my ass, and pretend I’m a stripper working a pole. I wiggle around, turn and twist and bounce. I loosen my hair and whip my long locks from side to side. I "Drop It like It's Hot" to maintain my sanity.

After Elijah’s sudden and shocking disappearance, I was in desperate need of dance therapy. I flipped through my CD case and slid the Christina Aguilera CD out of its pocket. I blew away the dust from the silvery backing and placed Stripped in position. The sound of drums, violins, and electric guitars from Christina Aguilera’s "Make Over" blared from my mini-speakers. My hips shimmied as the rhythm quickened. The violins came together in crescendo and I attempted to choreograph a routine. My long legs ran in place, like Jennifer Beals in Flashdance. My feet slid across the carpeted floor in honor of Michael Jackson. My shoulders pumped and popped like that of cute little boys and girls in rap videos. I then picked up my hair brush and it magically transformed into a diamond-studded, surround-sound microphone. I began to sing with Christina like we were a perfect duet: So sick and tired of being so misused/You’re taking me down with all your mental abuse/And I said, I gotta get you outta my head.

"Make Over" was soon over but I was still left with negative emotions. There was a lot more therapy to be done so I picked up my cell and made plans to go "Shake My Bon Bon" at Shampoo.

I arrived at Shampoo nightclub in Philadelphia with my friend Dana and three other girls. I rushed in, trampling and scuffing the shiny wooden dance floor with my high heels, and positioned myself by one loud speaker. The girls followed my lead and we began to dance. One of my favorite house songs soon played: Down, down, down, down, down. I lifted myself onto a small platform and brought my ass down as the song commanded. While I danced above the rest, my eyes scanned the darkened space. In between flashes of blue and green strobe lights, I spotted a very sexy man – the bartender – and was suddenly thirsty. I stepped off the platform and walked over to the bar. I watched him as he filled a cup with ice, then vodka, then tonic.

“Hi. Can I have a rum and coke please?”

He looked over at me and exposed a beautiful set of straight, white teeth. He turned around while picking up a bottle of Bacardi and I faced his nice, grabbable ass. He poured my drink and his muscles flexed.

“You’re Latino, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m Venezuelan and Columbian. How did you know?” he replied.

“Cause I’ve perfected the skill of targeting my own kind,” I replied with a smile.

He laughed and handed me my rum and coke.

“The drinks on me, and I’m Alejandro by the way,” he said while giving me his hand.

I shook his hand and introduced myself before taking my first sip.

“Where are you from?” he asked.

“I’m Dominican, from New York. But I’m here for school. I go to Rowan University in Glassboro.”

“I go to Rutgers in Camden,” he responded.

“Really? I work in Camden. You should take me out to lunch some time.”

The words spilled from my mouth. I was shocked by my boldness, and even more so, by my willingness to move on and put Elijah behind me. It seemed the therapy was working. Alejandro grabbed a white napkin from a stack, picked up a pen from the register, wrote his name and number down, and handed me the napkin.

“Call me. I would love to take you out to lunch,” he said.

I nodded and planted a soft kiss on his cheek before walking away. I went back to Dana and her friends, who were all spread across the platform. "Hollaback Girl" was blasting from the speakers. The floor vibrated as the crowd jumped with the rhythms. I jumped onto the platform and began to perform all my dance moves. One by one, every other girl cleared the platform. I commanded the audience. I took control, released my sorrow, and soothed my soul. I danced song after song, grinding my body onto the wall behind me as if it were my very own stripper pole.

Welcome to La La Land, USA!

2006-02-15T00:19:00.000-05:00

I once was a resident of La La Land, USA. I lived in a cozy studio apartment, decorated with framed photos and memories of past boyfriend’s. Red paper hearts covered the white walls. The one birthday card my ex-boyfriend Cole gave me, signed from me and my boys, stood atop my entertainment center. And I set a statue of Cupid and a gray porcelain elephant next to the birthday card for luck.

Besides the occasional appearance of Conchita, a trying game of Limbo, and a few ghosts, living in La La Land was pretty uneventful. Even still La La Land was overflowing with residents. My friend Laura joined the town on the night of her 26th birthday celebration. Laura’s boyfriend stood tall, ogling me between swigs. I avoided his nonverbal advances and watched Laura beam as she kissed him. It was official. Laura would pack her bags and become my neighbor that very night.

I was persuaded to leave Laura and La La Land two weeks after Elijah and I had our sexual encounter. This retreat is just temporary! I exclaimed before joining my friends in Glassboro, New Jersey. We were going to dance the night away at the happening club, The Spot, where Elijah also frequented. I walked in and scanned the small room. Young college boys stood by the bar, taking advantage of the “two-dollar you-call-it” drinks, while white sorority girls danced to their own rhythm and rubbed against one another in their temporary state of drunken lesbianism. The music pumped from the speakers as my friends and I made our way to the dance floor. My hips swung and my ass gyrated as I sang along to Don’t Cha. I jiggled and shook what my momma gave me, my arms raised in celebration. The song came to an end and I spotted Noel, Elijah’s friend, standing by the door in his black two-piece Bouncer uniform. He smiled and waved me over.

“Hey girl, long time no see,” said Noel as he gave me a hug.

“Yeah I haven’t been going out much, just been at home lately,” I replied.

He took a step back and smiled.

“Have you talked to Elijah lately?” he asked.

I paused, wondered if he knew Elijah and I had reunited two weeks prior.

“Yeah actually. We just hung out.”

“Oh wow, I didn’t know you guys were cool like that still. So what? Are you back together?” Noel asked.

The question circled my thoughts. Are we back together? Well, we’re not apart. But we haven’t talked about us. But he did tell me he missed me. I looked away, confused.

“Hey, it’s alright. I know how it is. You guys are hanging out, you know, doing your thing...,” said Noel.

My jaw dropped. I knew what he meant. He was labeling Elijah as my booty buddy, or was it the other way around? I felt the need to explain.

“No, it’s not like that at all. Elijah knows me better than that. He knows that I’m a relationship girl. Besides he cares about me too much to put me in that situation.”

“Oh he cares. He definitely cares,” replied Noel with a tinge of sarcasm.

I remained silent, secretly wishing I had stayed in La La Land.

“Just be careful. You may think this is one thing and it can be something completely different for him.”

I smiled half-heartedly, thanked Noel for his concern, and danced my way through the drunken and clueless crowd. I went back to La La Land that very night and had a great nights rest.

A week later Elijah called and promised he would come for a visit. I waited up till two in the morning but he never showed. I tossed and turned till four in the morning but he never called. The next morning I left Elijah a message, demanding better treatment, respect, and to be placed as a priority on his list. Elijah never returned my call. I packed my bags and terminated the lease of my studio apartment immediately. I left La La Land, USA to start a new life in the beautiful town of Reality Check.