Love Vice with Jeiry: Back To The Ex

Dear Jeiry,

For the last few months I've been involved with someone who for a lack of better words was who I believed to be my Prince Charming. Now, I usually don't fall fast, but after being wined and dined on romantic and thoughtful dates, I fell. And with our deep conversations and sweet text messages that were exchanged I really was beginning to feel as if he could possibly be "the one" you read and hear about. However, despite my nose being so wide open, I had a nagging suspicion that something wasn't right.

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Love Trips: Fucking Babies

I'm not a big fan of babies. They shriek and poop so much churia that not even the soft, fragrant mix of talcum powder and Johnson and Johnson’s baby cologne masks the foul poopy odor. Plus, their resemblance to prunes and cranky grandparents is creepy and simply unnatural.

ut these are only minor annoyances compared to their blatant selfishness. Babies expect me to function with five hours of sleep or less AND cater to their needs. They demand I spend my hard earned cash on luxuries like diapers and onesies and bottles and cereal. And to make my already wasted mind more mummified, they press me with their whiny coos to switch from a juicy Greys Anatomy episode to Dora. I hate that fucking bitch. And I need 8-9 hours of sleep and to drink a Raspberry Margarita on a tropical beach!

Fucking babies...

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